He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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