Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
