no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
