He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
