Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
