I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Someone signed my nipple.
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