I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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