well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
