dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
