Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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