So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
