He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
