I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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