Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
