Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My cat gives me a boner
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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