Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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