My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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