...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Damn victory sex feels great
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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