dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
