i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
smell my finger.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
