You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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