I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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