it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
