seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
