Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize