I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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