You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she told me i tasted like america
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
