with your own penis?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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