I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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