i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
