I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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