dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
