i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
