She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
