To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
