Umm I'm too high to move.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
