I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
