there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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