just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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