Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
