I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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