So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
