I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
