Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
