if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
