I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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