First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
