This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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