I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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