Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
