I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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