The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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