hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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