well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
