after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
