I don't think brook has ever known best
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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