Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
