: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
