no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
