ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
