So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
