and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
