He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
