Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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