Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
