A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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