i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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