I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
