I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Please, let me fuck your mom
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
