my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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