Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm having to shit out rocks
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