New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
