I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
